Endagered Heart

18th November 2011

Post reblogged from Since She Left with 73 notes

Why do they call it a “One Night Stand” if you’re gettin’ LAID

sincesheleft:

huh, HUH?

Source: sincesheleft

24th October 2011

Post with 2 notes

Sometimes I wonder what God is trying to tell me.

I planned my whole life around moving to California to take care of my niece. I took a summer class, and I have two jobs so that I can graduate early. I didn’t want to walk with my class, because I wanted to live with my brother. But a few nights ago, God closed that door. I was talking to my brother and he said its because of three things:

1. They love their babysitter. Shes doing awesome down there. Apparently she’s better than the child’s aunt could ever be.

2. I’m doing “fantastic” up here. No. I’m not. Half the reason I wanted to move down there with you is because I can’t stand it here anymore. I hate it here. I hate most of the people, I hate the goddamn weather, I hate Corvallis. I hate Oregon. I wanted to move down there to get away from all the damn drama. I want to try somewhere new. I don’t want to live with my parents anymore.

3. There are no opportunities for me down there. My best bet down there would be McDonald’s. I do agree with that one, but still. A job isn’t necessary if I don’t want insurance. I was going to get free room and board in exchange for taking care of Lila. 

This whole week has been hard. Trying to get help for a friend who needs it, and then hearing that news, made me break down. Everything at once was too heavy for me to carry. I probably cried for a good four hours straight. The next night I was talking to my friend, and she made me look at it with a totally different perspective. Maybe God closed that door, to make me stay up here, to take care of that friend. It only makes sense.

I don’t understand though how I’m not supposed to be moving to this trailer. Its such a good deal, but now someone might want to buy it. I only found out today. I spent the whole day yesterday packing my whole room up. Who knows, maybe they won’t buy it and I will get to move in after all. I guess I just don’t understand what God is trying to tell me by this.

I’m trying to be willing to wait. I’m trying to be patient for God’s answer to all of this, but it’s truly hard. I don’t know what to think. I can’t move to California, and I might not be able to move into the trailer. God, why are you keeping me at home with my parents?

21st October 2011

Post

So this song, kinda writing my life right now and my feelings…

You must have been in a place so dark, you couldn’t feel the light
Reachin’ for you through that stormy cloud
Now here we are gathered in our little home town
This can’t be the way you meant to draw a crowd

Oh, why?
That’s what I keep askin’
Was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were maskin’ a troubled soul
God only knows what went wrong
And why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song
Mmmmmmm…

Now in my mind I keep you frozen as a seventeen year old
Rounding third to score the winning run
You always played with passion no matter what the game
When you took the stage you shined just like the sun

Oh, why?
That’s what I keep askin’
And, was there anything I could have said or done?
Oh, I had no clue you were maskin’ the troubled soul
Oh, god only knows what went wrong
And why you would leave the stage in the middle of a song
Yeah…

Now the oak trees are swayin’ in the early autumn breeze
A golden sun is shining on my face
Through tangled thoughts I hear, a mockingbird sing
This old world really ain’t that bad a place

Oh, why?
There’s no comprehending
And who am I to try to judge or explain?
Oh, but I do have one burning question:
Who told you life wasn’t worth the fight?
They were wrong
They lied
And now you’re gone
And we cry

‘Cause it’s not like you to walk away in the middle of a song

Your beautiful song
Your absolutely beautiful song

18th October 2011

Post

Cool. My mom would read my diary and get mad… Fuck this.